Some people are either afraid to tell you the things you need to hear because they don’t want to hurt your feelings OR they are not afraid to tell you what you need to hear but they do it in a way that hurts your feelings. So how can we overcome these types of situations? By opening the lines of communication, recognizing how we communicate with others and learning how others communicate with us!
I will use myself as an example. There are times when my husband (god bless him) tries to motivate or support me in my weight loss efforts only I often take it out of context. He will say something like “You shouldn’t be eating that” or he will ask a question like “Your not full?” and my immediate response is to get all pissed off and storm away. I do this because I know he’s right. I do this because the truth hurts. I do this because at that moment in time I do not recognize that he is trying to communicate with me. He has seen or heard me time and time again talk about what I need to do or what I should be doing. Now he goes out on a limb to try to help and in return I end up ripping his head off!
Eventually these people in our lives who are trying to help us, like my husband, will shut down. They will stop trying. They will stop asking the questions or making the comments. Next thing you know…you shut down. You stop putting it out there. You stop talking about what you need to do or what you should be doing. All lines of communication are down and you are struggling in silence. I am pretty confident that I was at this point and now that I am recognizing it…things are starting to change.
The other night my husband made the following comment to me “You just do not seem that committed”. Instead of my usual knee jerk reaction I sat and processed his comment for a moment. I really thought about what he was saying to me and you know what, he was right! I learned a lot from his observation and his honesty. It helped me to refocus my commitment and I actually found myself being very thankful that he was asking me the questions that I was not asking myself.